He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
