hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
