I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
