Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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