i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
