Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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