cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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