And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
