So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
