two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
