tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
false alarm, still single
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
