just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come see our sink grown plant.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
