I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
