Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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