dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
