so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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