I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
