Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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