just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Less talking, more tequila
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
