If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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