wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
