i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize