I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love accidental penises.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
