Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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