that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dignity is for republicans.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
