my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize