does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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