I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
