After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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