why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
