Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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