You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
