I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
