I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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