matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
