i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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