Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
