Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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