don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
