I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
