My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
