No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize