my phone needs a breathalizer
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
