While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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