he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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