So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
