My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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