I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
