I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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