I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
