my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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