Pappa wants mamma naked
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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