You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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