I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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