it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
