Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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