um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
