you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
