How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
