My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
