i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
