How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize