You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
