Me too!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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