Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize