I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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