I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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