Where did you get a picture of my penis
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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