hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
