He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
