You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
