Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
