i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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