omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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