dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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