Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
