i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
