I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
